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Funniest monologues you heard in game

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Pretty self explanatory!

Share the monologues you find pretty funny in Underhell!

I could share a lot from Bryan and Juniors conversations, but one which I like a lot is whe:

Bryan: When I will find you, I'm gonna... Punch your butthole!

Junior: Man, how could you possibly punch a butthole?

Another example:

Bryan: Do whatever you want, but I won't go down to toxic room, neither will junior

Junior: Man, you can't give out orders like that and decide for others

Bryan: And you are willing to go to the room full of toxins and infected?

Junior: No

Bryan: Then shut up!

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Junior: No I don't...I... You know what, fuck you, Bryan! Fuck you man, you get over here.   

Eric: Thanks a lot, uh thank you!

Junior: yeah, yeah, just shut the fuck up, and eat my tortellini's bitch. I'm the fucking... I'm the fucking tortellini master.

Bryan: Oh yeah, he is man! He is the total tortellini master. For real!

Junior: Bryan, you, you shut the fuck up too. Man!

Bryan: alright, alright, off you go... God damn it.    

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ALL the NH2 SWAT dialogue

 

and this little gem with Bryan taunting people who are shooting at him

Bryan: Is that all you got? Where'd you learn to shoot?

ARC dude: Hey, why don't you come up and find out!

Bryan: No way, man! Why don't you come down here? I can do this all day!

ARC dude: Oh yeah? Well I can do this all year!

Bryan: Fine then! I can do this for a century! Ha ha!

ARC dude: Well, you're gonna have to come out eventually. We'll see who'll be laughing then!

Bryan: Whatever man! You just keep emptying your weapons on this train! I don't give a fuck!

ARC dude: Oh no no, trust me, there's plenty more where that came from. We've got plenty of ammo, we'll tear that train to shreds!

Bryan: Pff! To shreds! Ha, he said to shreds...oh yeah? I'd like to see you do that!

ARC dude: Oh, well here you go!

 

After what appears to be an exchange between 5yr old kids, Bryan told ME to clean up this mess. Real brave Bryan, you're a wonderful example for Junior  :tongue:  

And this part about Matt's (also) murderous wife is just too good to ignore

Bryan: So, Rebecca(yo wife) was a scorpio huh?

Matt: No, she was a cancer

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I thought it was pretty funny when the Hermit said this: "You know, most people can't stop smoking. I mean, that's what they all say, it's like a drug or something. They just can't quit. Me? I don't smoke cause I'm addicted, I smoke cause I like to smoke. It's just like eating chocolate. It's a treat!"

 

Ya. And you say you aren't addicted? Oh ho Hermit... Still, I guess I feel sad for him, since he doesn't really know.

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"Damn rats." - The Hermit

Not going to say anything about this one, but actually meeting the requirements to trigger this scene and playing up to the point was awesome. All you have to do, is collect every single card in the game!

This includes the Hermit card. It can be found in the Bio-Labs of the north wing, on the same desk where Tom's journal is. Be sure to pick that up an play to the very end of the game, once the credits end. It's well worth the time (and if you don't want to actually find the cards yourself, just use ent_fire, you cheaters :D.)

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Alright then.

 

 

Terry says to Ben "We don't do thieves or rapists here. Only the craziest sons of bitches..." and then he takes a look at Jake :D

 

Matt: "Has anyone briefed Jake on the situation?"

Bryan: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll take care of it. Jake, look, you're ready for this? Alright there it is: we're fucked. That was it. Now, he's briefed."
 
And of course, almost every Hermit's monologue :D

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Matthew: Has anyone briefed Jake on the situation?

Bryan: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll take care of it. Jake, look, you're ready for this? Alright there it is: we're fucked. That was it. Now, he's briefed.

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I thought it was pretty funny when the Hermit said this: "You know, most people can't stop smoking. I mean, that's what they all say, it's like a drug or something. They just can't quit. Me? I don't smoke cause I'm addicted, I smoke cause I like to smoke. It's just like eating chocolate. It's a treat!"

 

Ya. And you say you aren't addicted? Oh ho Hermit... Still, I guess I feel sad for him, since he doesn't really know.

 

I'm like Hermit in this situation. Only thing is, I KNOW I'm addicted. I also smoke because I like it, but I am addicted.

 

I really want to find all the cards but it's FUCKING HARD. And whenever you think you found them all, you move somewhere else that you can't go back from, and realize there's somewhere you didn't check that there's ALWAYS a card in.

 

Every single time.

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I thought it was pretty funny when the Hermit said this: "You know, most people can't stop smoking. I mean, that's what they all say, it's like a drug or something. They just can't quit. Me? I don't smoke cause I'm addicted, I smoke cause I like to smoke. It's just like eating chocolate. It's a treat!"

 

Ya. And you say you aren't addicted? Oh ho Hermit... Still, I guess I feel sad for him, since he doesn't really know.

 

I love that line. I've memorized it.

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Bryan: "Man if Id known that I would have blown open the door and repeled down earlyer, but NOOOO you guys just had to make me swim throught that shit."

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Bryan: "Do whatever you want, but I won't go down to toxic room, neither will junior."

Alex: "Man, you can't give out orders like."

Bryan: "You want to go into the fuckin Labs?"

Alex: "No."

Bryan: "Then shut the fuck up."

 

Gets me every time. :)

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